Bleach Database

Soul Society, Sereitei, Headquarters, 1st Division Barracks

Urahara: Sorry I'm so late. Also...

Urahara: Nice to meet you!

Shinji: My, it looks like a real flake's joined us.

Rose: You're one to talk.

Urahara: Um... Mind if I come in?

Yoruichi: Quit screwing around! You're a Captain now. Come in with a little dignity, Kisuke.

Yamamoto: That's right! Hurry up and get in!

* Yamamoto pushes Urahara inside with his stick.

Yamamoto: We shall now begin the welcoming ceremony for our newest member.

Yamamoto: I believe that some of you have already heard about this, but seven days ago Captain Hikifune Kirio from the 12th Division was ordered to relinquish her post here so that she could be promoted. As such, the same day she was promoted we began searching for a new captain, and sent you notifications to each of you relaying as much. The following day, Captain Shihouin Yoruichi from the 2nd Division nominated her 3rd Seat for the position, and I had him brought to me. Yesterday I, Yamamoto Genryuusai, along with three other captains, held the Captain Qualification Exam to see if he was worthy of this position. We determined that both his knowledge and personality were acceptable. As such former 3rd Seat of the 2nd Division, Urahara Kisuke, is now the new captain for the 12th Division.

Soul Society, Sereitei, 12th Division Barracks

Urahara: Let's see.. So you see...

Urahara: I'm your new captain. Nice to meet you!

* The Division members do not look pleased. Urahara offers his hand to Hiyori.

Urahara: Nice to meet you.

* Hiyori slaps his hand away.

Hiyori: I won't accept this! I'm already pissed about Captain Hikifune suddenly vanishin'! What's with the 2nd Division?! Ain't it got the Covert Ops?! You think that some sneaky bastard could become our captain?!

Shinigami: Lieutenant, you're going too far!

Hiyori: What?! I'm just sayin' what yer all thinkin'! Dontcha feel the same way?! Like hell we're gonna follow some lazy ass that suddenly popped up, right?!

* The other Shinigami lower their heads.

Shinigami: Well... That's not really...

* Urahara chuckles embarrassingly. Hiyori grabs him by the collar.

Hiyori: "Hahaha" my ass! I'm insultin' yer old home! Why ain't ya getting pissed?! Don't it bug you, you coward?

Urahara: But I'm already the 12th Division's Captain. It's something I decided when I woke up this morning.

Urahara: "When I get up, I'll be a member of the 12th Division. If someone bad-mouths the 12th Division, I'm going to get angry about it." I believe that changing what will or won't make a person angry, such as this, is called having a change of heart. Right?

* Hiyori kicks Urahara in the groin, and runs away awkwardly. Urahara doesn't react to the kick. Hiyori stops by the door.

Hiyori: What the hell?! Get real!

* She slams the door. Outside, her leg is hurt.

Hiyori: That hurt! What the hell's he wearing under his pants?!

Soul Society, Sereitei, General Area

* Hiyori is walking around by herself.

Hiyori: Damn that dickhead! Where the heck'd he go?!

* She hits a cab loaded with stuff.

Hiyori: What the--?!

* She looks around and several of them are being unpacked. One Shinigami approaches her.

Shinigami: We're moving.

Hiyori: Moving? Moving who?

Shinigami: We're moving Captain Urahara.

Hiyori: Don't call him Captain! It's sickening! And what's with all this furniture and stuff?! There's a boatload of it!

* Urahara walks in.

Urahara: Huh? What's wrong?

* Hiyori goes to kick him again, but stops her foot midway.

Hiyori: What'cha gonna do with all this junk?!

Urahara: Well, I suddenly became a captain, so... I thought it might not be a good idea to have everyone help me with my personal stuff, but... I've got so much stuff that I just couldn't handle it on my own.

Hiyori: I won't acknowledge you!

Urahara: Huh? Didn't you say that earlier?

Hiyori: And I'll keep saying it! I won't accept how much crap you got! It's--

* Hiyori keeps kicking the cab, and the stuff on it eventually falls on her. The Shinigami and Urahara check on her.

Shinigami: Lieutenant?

Urahara: Looks like she'll be okay.

Hiyori: Like hell I'm okay, dickhead!

* She kicks Urahara in the face. It's effective this time.

Urahara: That hurt!

* Hiyori jumps out and walks away.

Soul Society, Sereitei, 12th Division Barracks

* Hiyori is walking by herself again.

Hiyori: Damn him! He makes me sick! Sick! Sick! I could say it a thousand times! He's damned sickening!

* Urahara comes.

Urahara: Excuse me. Are you really okay?

Hiyori: What?

Hiyori: Are you hurt?

* Urahara offers her a box.

Urahara: Here! It's a first-aid kit.

Hiyori: I'm Lieutenant of the 12th Squad. Unlike a lazy wiss like you, something like that couldn't een scratch me!

* Hiyori notices her arm is scratched.

Urahara: See? Now then, let's take care of that!

* She kicks him in the face again and runs off.

Urahara: ... it hurts!

Hiyori: Tahe care of yer own face!

* The sun sets in Seireitei.

* The next day...

Soul Society, Sereitei, 12th Division Barracks

Urahara: Well...

* Urahara is facing his division members again. Hiyori is angry as usual.

Urahara: Thank you very much for helping me move yesterday. I had a lot of things, but thanks to you, I was able to put all of it in my Captain's Chambers.

Hiyori: Yeah, right! There's no way it all fit!

Urahara: I really got it all in! Wanna come see?

Hiyori: Who'd wanna go?!

Urahara: So, let's see...

Hiyori: Stop saying "let's see"! Yer pissin' me off! Big time!

Urahara: Oh, I'm sorry.

Hiyori: So, what is it? Spit it out.

* Pause.

Urahara: Huh? What was I trying to say again?

Hiyori: Like I'd know!

* The other Shinigami watches as there is another pause.

Urahara: Oh, that's it! I've got it! About the new policies for our 12th Division... well, for an entire night I thought we could keep on as we are, but...

Hiyori: So what is it? Tell us.

* Silence.

Urahara: I'm still thinking about it!

* The members stare in disbelief. Hiyori is angered.

Urahara: Well, I've still got to work on setting up a lot of my belongings, so I'm still thinking about that. I guess I'd like you to wait a bit longer.

* Hiyori jumps and sends him flying with a kick.

Hiyori: Are you a kid?! What's with this still thinking crap?! Yer still thinking?!

Soul Society, Sereitei, General Area

* Hiyori is walking around again. She looks depressed.

Shinji: What's with that face?

* Shinji is sitting on a nearby roof.

Hiyori: It's normal! Normal! What'cha staring at me for, dickhead?!

Shinji: I'm not a dickhead, stupid.

Hiyori: You just heard some rumors and came to tease me, didn't ya, dickhear?!

Shinji: What? I'm just gettin' some sun, stupid. I'm not interested in your division, stupid.

Hiyori: Quit callin' me stupid, stupid!

Shinji: What was it I wanted to tell ya...? WHat was it...? Let's see...

* Hiyori is red with anger.

Hiyori: Never say "let's see" in front of me!

* Hiyori flying-kicks Shinji in the face. He falls across the house.

Shinji: That hurts! What was that for, Hiyori?!

* Hiyori runs off.

Shinji: Hey, wait a sec! ... what's with her? She's a complete mess.

Soul Society, Sereitei, 12th Division Barracks

* A lone Shinigami is cleaning the field. Two other, bored Shinigami are watching him.

Shinigami 1: Sure is nice weather out.

Shinigami 2: Sure is.

Urahara: You bet.

* They didn't realize Urahara was around, watching as well.

Shinigami 1: C-Captain!

Shinigami 2: I-I'm sorry!

Urahara: Hey, stay as you are. Just take it easy. Sure is nice to take it easy when you don't have anything to do, isn't it?

Shinigami 1: Yeah...

Urahara: Well, isn't it nice? It's not like we've got orders to take action or anything. We don't have anything to do, either.

Shinigami: Yeah... you're right.

* Hiyori runs in.

Hiyori: Hey!

Urahara: Oh, hello!

Hiyori: "Hello" my ass! What's with this atmosphere?!

Urahara: What? Well, I guess you'd call it peaceful, or maybe harmonious.

Hiyori: You were just sittin' there daydramin', dickhead!

Urahara: That's true, but...

Hiyori: And you guys, too! Yer totally pickin' up on his laid back ways!

Urahara: Calm down. When you live as long as we do, sometimes we need to be laid back for a while.

Hiyori: Yer too laid back! At this rate our division's gonna become a pack of lazy bums! I won't acknowledge you as our Captain, but if yer gonna say that you're the type that'll get angry if someone bad-mouths the 12th division, then...

* Hiyori grabs her sword.

Hiyori: ... show me how strong you are!

Urahara: Very well. But... how about we fight empty-handed? There's no need to use our Zanpakutou.

* Hiyori grins.

Shinigami 2: He's gonna fight empty-handed against the Lieutenant?

Shinigami 1: He's nuts.

* They set up to fight.

Hiyori: C'mon! Let's go!

* They face each other in a wide open space. The two Shinigami are watching.

Urahara: Attack me, from any direction.

* Hiyori runs in.

Urahara: Come on!

* Hiyori jumps and kicks him straight in the face with both feet. Urahara falls.

Shinigami 1: He's weak!

Shinigami 2: Didn't even had time to dodge.

* Hiyori runs off.

Shinigami 1: Captain! Are you okay?!

* In the gates of the 12th Division Barracks, Hiyori is pondering.

Hiyori: He...

Hiyori: He saw through my move. And then moved back into place so I'd hit him. Don't tell me he didn't want to embarrass me in front of everyone. Why? What's with this guy? I don't get it.

Soul Society, Sereitei, 12th Division Barracks

* The night falls. Urahara is watching the sky.

Shinji: Like I thought, yer havin' a tough time, ain't ya?

Urahara: Captain Hirako!

Shinji: Call me Shinji. We're both captains, ya know.

* Shinji leans on the fence and joins Urahara on watching the scene.

Shinji: How's Hiyori? A total pain, huh?

Urahara: No...

Shinji: She thought of Captain Hikifune as her mom, ya know. It'll be hard for you to win her over.

Urahara: Got that right... I want to get along well with her, but thinfs just aren't going as smoothly as they did with the previous captain.

Shinji: Are you serious 'bout that? I hate talkin' like I know everything, but... this is the advice of someone who's been a captain for a while. Someone in a high position can look to see what those under him think, but he shouldn't change himself for them.

* Shinji walks away.

Shinji: Just do as you like. And then if no one follows you, it just means you weren't good enough for them. Besides, I don't think yer the type who's good at doing what others want. Well, whatever. Don't let it bother you. I just wanted to help a bit 'cause you remind me of myself. Later.

* Shinji is walking around a deserted place.

Shinji: How long are ya gonna stay there spyin' on him, Sousuke?

* Shinji dispells the concealment spell that Aizen was using to make him invisible. ((Editor's note: we're assuming it's "Curved Light" -- Kyokko, Bakudou No. 26))

Aizen: Amazing! When did you notice me?

Shinji: Ever since you were in yer mama's belly. Let's go.

Aizen: Okay.

* They keep walking.

Aizen: Captain.

Shinji: What?

Aizen: Captain, you really are a scary person.

Shinji: That's my line.

Soul Society, Sereitei, 12th Division Barracks

Urahara: Yoruichi-san... it's like Yoruichi-san said. Being a captain will be fun.

Soul Society, Sereitei, 12th Division Barracks

* The Captain's Chambers is full of scientific equipment.

Hiyori: Wh-Wh-What the hell is this?!

Urahara: Oh, good morning, Hiyori-san.

* Hiyori grabs Urahara by the collar.

Hiyori: Where do you think this is?! It's the Captain's Chamber! The Captain's Chambers! Think you can get away with remodeling it?!

Urahara: It's fine. After all, it's my room.

Hiyori: What?

Urahara: Besides, I'm redecorating, not remodeling.

Hiyori: How is this redecorating?! It doesn't even resemble how the room used to look!

* Hiyori is angry, but has tears on her eyes.

Urahara: It doesn't have to be right away... please larn about me, little by little. And I'll learn about you bit by bit as well.

* Hiyori releases Urahara.

Urahara: Okay?

Hiyori: No way!

* Hiyori punches him in the face. Urahara grabs her hand carefully and moves it aside, holding it.

Urahara: That's right! I'd like to ask you a favor, Hiyori-san.

* Hiyori can't manage to break free.

Hiyori: What?

Urahara: Please come to the Maggot's Nest with me.

* Hiyori looks surprised.

Hiyori: The Maggot's Nest?

Urahara: Sad voices echo in the depths of Seireitei. There's an eerie shadow on the other side of the unopened door. The next episode is

Hiyori: What's this about?! We ain't a suspense drama!

Rukia: The Substitute Badge proves that you are a Substitute Shinigami.

* Ichigo is seem in school. He looks at his badge.

Ichigo: A Hollow!

Rukia: Hey, don't use your Substitute Badge! You'll have to deal with your empty body after you turn into a Shinigami, ya know.

* She shows him a green pill.

Rukia: But if you use an artificial soul, you won't have to cut class!

* Ichigo swallows it and his Shinigami form comes out.

Ichigo: Kon, take care of things here!

Kon: Leave it to me!

* Kon grins as Ichigo jumps off. Ichigo kills the Hollow. When he's back, Kon is all beaten up.

Kon: Sorry, Ichigo...

* There's a line of girls waiting to beat him up.

Ichigo: What'd you do?!